Family and intimate partner violence

This page includes information on what family & intimate partner violence is, helpful resources, and support services in the community.

If you or someone else are in danger, call 111 and ask for Police. If you cannot speak, stay silent and press 55.

Download the Silent Solution PDF for more information.

“Family violence is a pattern of behaviour that coerces, controls or harms another, within the context of a close personal relationship, and often involves fear, intimidation, and loss of freedoms” (Te Puna Aonui, 2024).

Violence can be perpetrated by your spouse/partner, family member, someone you live with like a flatmate, a carer, or someone you share a close relationship with. Family violence includes intimate partner violence (a form of gender-based violence), elder abuse, child abuse, dating violence, and violence towards another family member or whānau member. 

Types of family violence include psychological or emotional, physical, sexual, coercion/control, spiritual, and economic. Some types of violence are specific to different communities e.g. withholding aides, withholding medication and gender affirming items.

The behaviour may or may not be entwined with homophobia, biphobia, gender policing, transphobia, ableism, sexism, xenophobia, and/or racism.

Safety planning

• A College Student's Guide to Safety Planning
• Abuse and technology (while you’re with an abusive partner) – from Netsafe
• Preventing technology abuse (after leaving an abusive partner) – from Netsafe
• Victim’s Support
• Family Violence Leave - If you are affected by family violence, you can ask your employer for paid leave and flexible working arrangements
• Protection Order - A legal document that protects someone and any children - including those not born yet - from someone who has been violent (emotionally, psychologically, financially and/or sexually).

Supporting others

Tips

1. If someone is in immediate danger, call 111.
2. If you know someone is experiencing family violence and they are not in immediate danger, actively listen, remain calm and offer support and information without judgement.
3. Build trust by keeping the information confidential unless they are in immediate danger at that moment.
4. Check-in on their safety e.g. do you feel safe? are you safe to go home?
5. Offer to contact a helpline or service with them if they do not feel safe.
6. Discuss their existing strategies to keep safe and prompt consideration of others (see Safety Planning section).
7. Keep the door open to talk again and do not pressure them.

• Ensure basic needs are being met: Here to Help U may be able to assist
• Shine National Helpline: Call free 0508 744 633 (24 hours, 7 days a week) or chat online.
• Are you ok - Support for friends or whaanau
  Call 0800 456 450  for the Family Violence Information Line. They can provide information, support and advice around family violence.

Informative resources

• Power and Control Wheel and Equality wheel
• Healthy relationships
• Post-Separation Power and Control Wheel
• Power and Control Wheel for Rainbow Relationships
• The College Power and Control Wheel
• Cycle of violence

Nationwide support

• Work and Income - Work and Income may be able to support you if you're living in or leaving a violent relationship.
• Community Law - Community Law provide free legal help throughout Aotearoa New Zealand.
• NZ Government - Information on services and support for anyone experiencing abuse from a partner, ex-partner, family member, flatmate, friend, or carer.
• Are You Ok? - whether it’s casual or long-term, you deserve to be treated with respect. Unsure if it’s respect? Try the 'Check it out' Quiz
• Hohou Te Rongo Kahukura: Outing Violence -  Information about family, partner and sexual violence in Rainbow communities
• Good Shepherd NZ -  Information on economic harm
• In Your Hands -  Information and support if you're concerned that your behaviour is hurting or scaring the ones you love

Reporting to Police

Reporting to Police may not be an easy thing to do in certain circumstances, however, there are things that can be done to keep you and your whānau safe that enable you to inform Police. For more information, you can contact your local Family Violence agency or Women’s Refuge (see below) for advice and safety planning, and in some instances, advocacy. You can also go to Victim’s Support, Are You Ok? or Shine for more information.

For information on different ways to keep safe through the Family Court, see the Ministry of Justice.